Sunday, April 18, 2010

not holding back

A couple weeks ago, Keli wrote on Facebook that if we all talked about our problems, we could help each other out. So I'm not holding back tonight.....maybe.

I'm starting work again tomorrow after 9 years of being able to stay at home with my kids. I'm not going back because I "want" to, it's because we "need" it. It's a job that is close by (within 2 miles) and my employer is (I can already tell) the BEST! He understands that I have a family at home. If you want an insight check out his website here. I am going to be running his office, shipping, ordering, managing the books, etc. I'm excited with what he wants to do and that he wants my help in getting there. With Jacob's schedule this semester it makes him at home all but a couple of hours each day. My dear and close friend is helping out so we can make this happen. I really am happy that we have an answer to our prayers and have been blessed. But in the same way...

I'm terrified. The mother instinct kicks in and I don't want to leave my kids. I'm 30 years old and I'm finally realizing what is so important in my life. I have taken for granted that I have been able to stay at home and be with my kids. I have enjoyed helping out in the girls' classrooms and being able to work with their teachers. I've done preschool at home and the Cruz has learned so many things already. I know that I will still be a great mom and that I'm strong and independent but I'm still so scared.

9 comments:

Earl and Vickie said...

OK, those are some seriously nice saddles. Way cool. I can smell the leather.

grannybabs said...

Not sure what the comment above means!

But you are right to feel concerned - that way you will be more aware - and being more aware will help it all work best!!

I went to work when Noah was in 1st grade - I'd been home for 20+ years with kids!! And it was a bit scary.

But it sounds like you are on the right track - and you are a great mom already - that's not going to change!

Alice said...

I am sure that the Lord will bless you even more and the children will take on some responsibilities that will be good for them. Having Jake at home will be good for them as well. Good luck with everything. We pray for you every day and will continue to do so. You are a great mom.

Alice said...

For Barbara, Amy is going to be working for a saddle company. When you click on the website she has highlighted you will see some awesome saddles. Hence, Earl's comment.

Keli said...

Doesn't it feel better to get it out there? Seriously, I swear that talking it out makes it make more sense. Or maybe that's just in my crazy head. ;) I'm excited for you. I just started working again, too, and it's been good. I come home exhausted but happy. A good combination I think. I wish there was more I could do. I would take it all away if I could. But I've been there, and you'll be fine. Just do it today, and don't worry about if you can make it through tomorrow.

bet[c] said...

The Lord will bless you so that you can get it all done and still feel like you are there for your family. He knows what you need and what you can handle. call me if you get stressed.

Alice said...

It has been a couple of days since you started. Hope it is all going well. We are praying for you.

mary said...

I know exactly how you fell. It was harder for me because I had no one to help me. The older girls were in school and the younger ones went to day care. Of course we don't want to work, but sometimes it is unavoidable. Good luck and hang in there.

Kaahl said...

am i the only one here that wants a saddle? or a nice leather bag? or a belt? see if you can make me something special.

kids are fine--when my mom worked in korea, that's when i learned how to cook. they are tough.