I'm proud to call you my dad

(I wrote this on the airplane)

Time:

I haven’t blogged since Thanksgiving. I have pictures of December's activities and Christmas that I’ve been procrastinating on putting them up. I’ve thought about the New Year and the few resolutions that I’ve made. I also had a post about these as well. I have plenty of everyday items that would be fun and interesting, also with pictures. But that will all have to wait.

This year started out great! I made a few goals, the kids were back in school, and everything seemed to be going smoothly, or up until this week. There is always a bump in the road and a trial around the corner that we need to face. My dad went into the hospital on Monday. Nothing extremely life threatening but within the past 24 hours everything turned downhill fast. Now, I’m trying to beat time to make it to Utah to see him one last time. How does a child say goodbye to their parent? How do I hold it together? How do I smile when my heart is breaking inside.

My dad has struggled with health problems the past 15+ years. It really is a miracle he made it this long. As selfish as this may sound, I know he has been here for me. To be my friend, to come spend weeks with my family, to share hobbies, to talk on the phone, to work together, and to share laughs. He has spoiled my kids ROTTEN but I know it was in the kindness of his heart.

As the plane departed Austin, I felt peace. I felt comforted. I don’t know if that is the feeling of that I will make it or if it is the feeling that my dad has passed. Three hours is painful to go through without any form of communication. I am so grateful for my knowledge in the gospel. I pray that if I don’t make it in time, he will know I love him. I hope he knows how grateful I am for everything he has done for me. He is one of my best friends. I am so lucky to have him for my father, and a grandpa to my kids. I know I’ll see him again. I’ll know he will be happy and out of his misery that he has endured through the last part of his life. He will walk and run again. He will smile and laugh very soon.

I find comfort in my family. My kids and my husband are my fort. I wish they were with me.

Dad – I love you. My kids love you. Jacob loves you. I know you will watch over us while you are away from us in this life. You’ll be my angel now.

I wanted to post this to be a reminder to me of the comfort I have felt through this experience. As for an update on my dad, he is holding on. We've expressed our love and I know he is here although he cannot respond to us. I know it's a matter of time but I'm very grateful for every opportunity I have to talk with him.