Monday, October 13, 2008

Pride and Humility

I've always been very self-conscious of myself. I don't like people to see my in pain. It's been hard this surgery because I swear that it's been harder than my Cesarean. With my c-section, I had all the hormones and adrenaline pumping to carry me through. My body must be aging because it's taking me longer to recover. I really don't want to get old. Although with all the down sides, I am so thankful for the ups.

My staples really upset me the first time I saw them. So much that in fact I tried to push Jake away and not let him see them. I insisted that he leave the room. Being Jake and that said, he didn't. I had a breakdown in the shower and almost passed out because I let myself get that bothered. That's the down. The upside is that I should know better and that Jake loves me for me. He has shown me thru all the little tasks and everything he has done to help out. Jake doesn't show this side very often but when he does it's real.

I tried to keep my surgery on the down low. I don't like to be the one fussed over. That was all over when our home teacher saw us in the hospital and made it a point to visit yesterday. This is another very grateful "up" as I am still not yet back to even 50%. The yummy dinners and breads and treats has been very nice and have kept the stress and movement down.

I guess as I write this, I am noticing that maybe I have a pride issue. I think that maybe some conference talks are in need for me to read and that maybe this is a lesson that I will learn from. As for now, I am learning to be lazy for a little while. Finally after being bull-headed for too many years, I have learned that if I just take it easy, I will heal faster and not pro-long anything.

1 comment:

mary said...

when i had my surgery they put me back together with rubber bands. Now I have a river running down my lower part of my stomach. I will never have a flat stomach again, because of the way they put me back together. This really bothered me, because I have always had a flat stomach. I least I am alive. That is all I can say. It could of turned out the other way. I know I am vain about my stomach. Hope you get well soon. It took me a year. It will not take you that long.